Lest I paint too rosy a picture, here is a very pathetic, whining post about how awful my life really is. I will read it tomorrow and want to rationalize or explain away most of the bad stuff and feel like I was probably being a tad dramatic, but this is how I feel this very minute.
The terrible threes have hit in a bad way. A lot of this is probably my fault for forcing potty training on Timmy at a time with so many other changes, but he is an absolute monster. Potty training was going great and then it wasn't. After a week of being fine, he started refusing to poop on the potty again. I don't want to go into details because I'm sick of thinking about it, but let's just say that in this instance, it's 100% a power struggle. Sometimes he'll have an "accident" where he goes elsewhere when we are not looking, but mostly he's been holding it in. Today he literally sat on the potty for 8 hours until he pooped. Today I lost my patience, I yelled (a lot) and it was awful. I know im dealing with this in the opposite way from what i should be doing but i cant seem to snap out of it. I have to watch him like a hawk and constantly battling the temper tantrums and disobedience is completely draining. There are a million to-dos on my list related to unpacking, switching doctors/schools/jobs, the holidays, etc that I can't get to because I'm constantly putting out fires with one or both of the kids. Even though Ellie is a decent sleeper, I'm not sleeping enough. Forget exercising or eating well. I have had not nearly enough time with PJO and ZERO alone time.
Maternity leave was awesome when he could go to school for part of the day but right now, going to work sounds like a dream vacation. I hate that this time with Ellie is so stressful and I hate that I'm not enjoying my time with Timmy. I hate that nights with PJO are spent with one of us trying to unpack/clean and the other takes care of thing one or thing two. I hate that I'm missing out on the holiday festivities because I am trapped at home by an irrationally angry, incontinent boy.
Feeling sorry for myself in the middle of the night feeding with an iPad is dangerous, but it's especially bad when I'm being bombarded by sales emails every 5 minutes. Over the past two nights, I've made purchases from 4 stores online of back-to-work outfits. I justified it by telling myself that I should be paid the December daycare tuition we are saving...so headed my way are several gorgeous sweaters, a pretty patterned pencil skirt, three dresses and a knit blazer. Everything I bought was at least 50% off and thanks to the timing of my indulgences, I got free get-it-by-Christmas shipping on all of it.
Tomorrow I'm going to start from scratch with Timmy. Back to being positive and not over-pushing the potty. Back to going places and doing fun things even if it means he gets away with more "accidents" because I'd rather be sane. But tonight I just am letting myself pout.
9 comments:
Sorry you are having a rough time. I don't have kids yet so I can't relate, but it seems really difficult and you're tougher than you know. Thanks for the honest post - it's refreshing! Happy Holidays to you and yours.
You are totally entitled to a bad day. Or a bad week. Or a bad month. Whatever the case may be. Don't feel guilty for feeling trapped or frustrated. I totally know how you feel right now (except, I have the luxury of dealing with it only a couple hours a day). Just take a breath, acknowledge the badness, then let it slowly pass. It may be little comfort now but things will get better. Three year olds are testing their boundaries and newly found independence. My son is the same way with the temper tantrums and it sucks. I feel for you but I promise- it WILL get better!! It HAS too (at least this is what I tell myself :).
I could have written this post three months ago. Except for the pooping part.
It's something about three year olds I think - I swear Eden turned three and turned into a monster. At the lowest point, she absolutely refused to get dressed one morning and screamed at the top of her lungs for an hour while I tried. I physically could not get clothes on her. I ended up taking her to daycare stark naked (the teacher was able to get her dressed before she went into the classroom).
We started seeing a psychologist for a while, that was a total disaster, and then we just started asking anyone and everyone for advice. Even non-parents. We were willing to try anything. What worked for Eden was VERY consistent boundaries and a physical separation from us, behind a closed door, when she crossed the line. She loves being the center of attention (as, I suspect, do most 3 year olds) and that physical separation really works for us. She has her tantrum in her room, away from the rest of the family, and when she's ready to act like a human again she comes out, apologies, and gets hugs and kisses and we move on.
I know it really sucks - it's frustrating to feel so incredibly out of control. But hang in there girl! And hold on to the moments when his brilliant smile lights up the room. (Even if it's followed thirty seconds later with screaming).
I had a bad mommy day yesterday myself, because of my boundary pushing three year old. There was yelling. Now there is shame.
Three is hard. I'm finding it hard. He also goes through phases - that last MONTHS - where he is absolutely super cool again, and the daily battles simmer down. Timmy will, too, eventually, someday. If you don't kill him first.
We're with you. Mothers of 3 year olds - singlehandedly keeping dozens of wineries open and profitable.
I was in exactly the same boat, with fears (and nearly reality, at least for a few weeks) that potty training my older one would ruin my maternity leave with my younger one.
what worked in the end for us was to just throw away the diapers, quite literally (well, i fished them back out), and allow "accidents." it was disgusting for about three days, but after that, she realized that having all her clothes changed was more annoying than just doing it in the potty. no 8-hour sit-down sessions (which were AWFUL - i yelled then too - so dont feel bad), no power struggles. you take that power away from them effectively. like i said, it's kind of gross, but for us it worked.
Three is the worst. No one warns you about three. No one says, "Your child will turn into a demon." But they do, and you're lost. I can't tell you how many times I texted my husband and said, "Bring vodka." (A joke; we don't really drink.) But it was horrid.
The good news is that three and a half is awesome. And so is four. But three is all about learning boundaries and forgiving yourself, too. If you ever want someone to vent to, just drop me an email!
Thank you all so much for the words of consolation and encouragement. Each day since Monday has been a little bit easier and that's something...even if it has only been a day and a half ;)
Hello,
My little one learned #1 but not so much #2. What we did was to put him in the bathroom when we thought he had to go #2. Even going in his pants IN the correct room was a step in the right direction. Eventually, he wandered over to the potty and went on his own.
Good luck!
Hello there. I wandered over here to your site from LagLiv. I just read your post on the New Year, your potty training frustration and the post prior to that. I'm in no position to give you advice not knowing you, etc but from these 3 posts, I am gathering that you're dealing with a residential move, a new baby, a new classroom for your older child and life in general...I'm no expert but I'd say that's a LOT on your family's plate right now so of course your toddler won't cooperate as you'd like! Good luck!
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