It's about that time of the semester when I usually realize how much work I need to do in order to prepare for final exams. I like to make my own outlines if I can (and actually, after I make an outline, I usually condense that into a flowchart and just study from that). And every semester, I resolve that next semester I will make my outline as we go along in class so that I won't have to play catch-up. And read for class. And pay attention.
Well, there is no next semester now. So not having read, paid attention or started an outline for a single class I am taking is not what I regret right now. I know I'll be able to take the finals and get a passing grade. I also know that I had an amazing semester enjoying being with Timmy almost full-time.
What I'm feeling right now is that rare emotion where you realize that you are in a class that you like and could actually teach you something that might help your career one day, and you realize that you completely failed to take advantage of that. It doesn't happen often in law school. Especially not if you're interested in transactional law.
I think I've taken three classes like this. Securities Regulation and Federal Tax of Business Entities were the first two. I loved them. I loved the professor. And I Am-Jured them, without it feeling like a lot of work. The third class is the one making me wish I had cared just a little bit this semester about school. It's taught by the same professor as the other two (it's actually my fifth class with him).
We just turned in our Business Planning project yesterday, which is worth 30% of our grade. We were given facts in a money-partner, service-partner scenario for which we had to draft an LLC Agreement, Certificate of Formation, Multiple Representation and Fee Letter Agreement and a Memo describing why we set up the LLC the way we did. I worked on it enough to not be completely embarrassed by it, but I am starting to regret not putting a good effort into it. As I read over my agreement and edited everything in the last hour before it was due, I realized how much I love this stuff.
When I was a paralegal at a big law firm, I remember doing final edits (well, the final paralegal edits) of merger agreements and Chapter 11 filings so that we could meet the deadlines...the whole team of attorneys pulling together to get everything done. There were always moments of terrible stress, but they were completely erased in the relief of meeting the deadline or enjoying the closing dinner. The role I played was always small (obviously a paralegal doesn't do any of the "real" (aka partner) work like negotiating terms or thinking of how to take care of the client's needs). But working on the deals was always thrilling and actually finishing tasks, taking them off your to-do list was so satisfying. This is how I knew I wanted to be a transactional attorney.
Writing this LLC agreement was my first chance to think about how I would negotiate terms and how I could use the knowledge gleaned from classes to actually help clients. And I can't help but regret not completely embracing this opportunity and trying to learn the most I could.
As I indulge in my guilt, I realize that I'm starting to regret not giving myself time or energy to enjoy my last semester of law school. My last semester ever of school! I really like being a student, and somehow I am letting myself be ok with just barely getting by. It's not like I regret the things that I'm doing instead (which is basically just being with Timmy), but nevertheless, I am a little sad I'll look back on the end of law school and only see what I did when I wasn't there.
2 comments:
I completely understand and nodded my head along with every sentence of this post. I always planned to get a head start each semester and always failed to do so. I was sad that I missed out on so much of my 3L year. I didn't regret my time with Landon, but being a student is a very unique thing you don't get back once you're working. I regretted not learning more and not taking advantage of my classes.
That said, I didn't regret taking advantage of my flexibility and relatively deadline-free lifetyle. And who knows, if I'd been a good student 3L year I might regret that now, a few lazy afternoons sounds pretty great :)
Congrats on nearly being done and good luck on the finals!
It's hard to have two things you wish you could devote your full attention to. Like LL, I can relate completely! But at least we both got two years of being a real full-time student.
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