But today was one of those magical days where I kept wishing time would just freeze so that I could remember the moment perfectly forever. Timmy is at this great age where he is still a little baby with all of the rolls and chubby cheeks, but he gives hugs and snuggles really close. He was laughing at everything I did this morning and cuddling with me better than ever. We cuddled on the bed and he fell asleep as I sang to him. He NEVER sleeps anywhere but his crib, so it was extra special. His little fingers curled up over my arm and I thought there just could never be a better moment. Ever.
As I thought about this year and how I want to spend it with him, I started to feel a little weepy. It's going to go by so quickly. A month and a half has already passed! Some day soon, I'm going to miss all these little moments with him when I'm at work. I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to spend Timmy's babyhood at home with him, but I'm not sure that's enough for me. He gives me, without a doubt, the greatest joy I've ever experienced. I'm really excited to be a lawyer and begin my career, but I already know that it will never compare to this time I have right now. Most of my life, I have looked forward to the next big thing. At various times and since Timmy was born, I have been perfectly happy with where I was and didn't wish anything were different. Today, I desperately wanted to STOP the progression of time. I would give anything to stretch out the next year into five.
I don't know what exactly I would be doing right now if I didn't have Timmy in my life. I probably would still be on a bar trip somewhere in some exotic location, loving being married and happy with my life, not even knowing I was missing out on anything. And some days I wish I was carefree and able to travel anywhere on a moment's notice. But I would be missing out on the pure, blissful existence of a new mother's love affair with her first born child. I would be missing the bonding PJO and I experience as new parents navigating this crazy journey together. And so not only do I not regret the decision we made to start our family so young, I am so grateful that we did because it's been a bajillion times more amazing than I ever imagined it would be.
1 comment:
I think that was the best thing about having a baby in law school, all the extra time we got to spend with them. If we'd been working, we'd have gotten a brief maternity leave, and then quickly back to work. Instead, I feel like I got almost a year's maternity leave. It will definitely be hard with the next one to go back to work so quickly.
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