Ok, I think

We made it to Iowa. Timmy woke up crying at 4am the morning we left for the airport, his temperature was 101.something. He felt so hot and was so tired and cranky. I fed him, gave him motrin and let him sleep on my bed right below the air conditioning vent. The plan had been to leave for the airport at 5:30, at which point he was sleeping soundly and his fever was gone. But the pediatrician had specifically warned us that he shouldn't fly with a fever because that meant he was much more susceptible to infection in a super germy place. So I was nervous. I called Continental Airlines twice to see whether I would be able to postpone the flight or cancel if I needed to.

As I was telling PJO that we should just cancel the flight I started crying. I really did not want to miss the funeral and a wave of grief that I hadn't realized was hanging over me just exploded. By this time it was already 6:15am. He said we should just go to the airport and we would turn around if Timmy seemed like he wasn't much better.

Throughout our 14 hours of traveling that day, we pumped in motrin as Timmy battled the fever. The next morning, it was finally gone and he seemed much better. We were only there for two full days and both were taken up completely by saying good-bye to my Grandma with the entire extended family.

I could not have been more happy that we decided to go. I didn't fully realize how much I missed her until I was back in her small town where everyone knew and loved her. Every single memory I have of her is a good one and being back in Iowa helped me remember things that were buried somewhere in my distant memory. The funeral was beautiful and I know that she loved it. I also was able to introduce Timmy to the whole family. 15 of the 19 cousins were there as well as all of the aunts and uncles. I took him to my Grandma's old house on the Mississippi river.




Friends of hers came up to me and told me how much she bragged about her only great-grandson and how proud she was of us. I was filled with love and grief at the same time, but I needed both to say good-bye.


And then.

On the flight home, Timmy's little nose was very runny. He was tired but had trouble falling asleep. I put him to bed early last night, but he woke up 2.5 hours later screaming. Vomit. Horrible, rattling cough. Sounded like he was wheezing.
My heart sinking.

Urgent Care had closed 20 minutes earlier. Pediatrician said that we could either go to the ER and see if he needed a breathing treatment or wait and see if he was ok the next morning. When I was Timmy's age, I got double pneumonia back in Iowa. I couldn't take the chance and had never seen him this way. In to the Emergency Room we went.

Diagnosis: upper respiratory infection. So far, his lungs are clear and his oxygen levels are perfect. We were told to use a cool mist humidifier, suction his nose often and keep him hydrated. Looking back, it's easy to blame my first-time parent paranoia for the hefty ER bill when it wasn't really necessary. But having just returned from a funeral, I was not about to take chances with this little love of my life.

He seems better today. We took a long nap in the morning together and he slept again this afternoon. We both have a lot of catching up on sleep to do... In the past 5 nights, I've probably slept about 18 hours. Timmy is sleep deprived too.

The next few days will be very, very low key. And as long as he keeps feeling better, I'll be fine.