Sub-Groups

Within the larger community of mothers, there always seems to be a need to further define ourselves. In both my community's Mom's group and citymommy (in a ton of cities now!), there are separate smaller groups for working moms, stay-at-home moms, organic moms, moms over 35, frugal moms, cloth diapering moms, Jewish moms, groups organized by the child's age or where the family lives.

Simply having progeny is no longer enough to really make a connection with someone else. Sure, you can start a conversation with them, maybe bond over some shared experiences in your past or similar interests. But you won't actually become friends unless you share a sub-group.

I am just wondering where the sub-group is for moms 30 or younger, who are not passionate about being "green" and doing yoga or practicing a particular religion. In LA, you don't need sub-groups for organic yoga moms over thirty-five. That's EVERYONE!

I personally have nothing against making friends with people older than me. I've always been more comfortable with the more "mature" crowd. I keep in touch with more teachers than students from high school. I hang out with more attorneys than fellow summer associates from the firm I worked at in summer '08. But it's not enough that I am ok with making friends who are older. When I show up to mom's night out or playgroups, they look at me like I don't belong and I can see that they assume I am too immature to really be "in" with the group.

And even if I was completely accepted, there is no denying that I am simply different from mothers ten years older than me. We're from entirely separate generations. So while we can have a conversation about things our kids are doing or events in the community, we aren't in a place where we could go out on a girls night and talk for hours about whatever is on our mind. And no matter how much I wish they could, my child-less friends simply can never completely understand what my life as a mother is like either. What I'm left with is friends that serve different purposes...when I add them up together, it's like I have a complete friend. But it is hard to segment your life like that.

In some ways I think it's even harder for PJO. He moved with me to CA over 3 years ago, knowing no one but me. For the first two years, he worked from home. Despite his best efforts, he didn't really make any friends that even came close to the relationships he had back in NYC. Over the past year, he has made a few friends from work and he has become close with some guys I went to law school with. But men don't form daddy groups or make playdates for their kids. He needs the sub-group of LA dads 35 or younger who like to watch football and play sports. Where is it?

Are we really so strange that there is no sub-group to accommodate us? Or do we live in a strange part of the country where we don't really want to fit in?