My Summer Substitute

Hanah asked about finding our summer nanny. My situation is so unique that I'm not sure there is much helpful advice to be gleaned from it, but you never know...

I started looking back in March for someone to babysit Timmy while I studied for the Bar. I'm using the Bar Bri iPod self-study option (I will post about that soon), so I was fairly flexible, but I wanted an 8 hour stretch during the day where I could study with minimal distractions.

Because I needed someone full-time for just 9 weeks, I didn't want to go through a nanny agency and pay a huge referral fee that would make a nanny prohibitively expensive. I also don't really know anyone with kids, so I didn't have any personal recommendations to go off of. I was too nervous to solicit random strangers from Craigslist into my home. Therefore, I decided to go with something more familiar. Sort of.

I emailed the presidents of local college chapters of the sorority I was in during college. This is how I got all of my babysitting jobs as a student. I knew that college students would have the summer off, would probably be cheaper than a professional nanny and would be young and hopefully high-energy.

I emailed back and forth with about 5 girls, interviewed 3 and hired one. I am very happy with my nanny.

She is an education major, so she studied a lot of the human development stuff and how to interact with kids in school. She has a lot of babysitting experience and taught little kids gymnastics. She is very responsible and fun and follows my directions. The best part: I really like her. As a person. It's nice to talk to her every day and I feel like she really loves Timmy and understands what he needs during the day.

Obviously if you're looking to hire a permanent nanny, a college student won't really work. But I do have a few tips that worked for me in interviewing and selecting nannies once you find a few to choose from:

1. Most important thing is to pick someone you trust and to go with your gut instinct. A mother's intuition will go a long way in helping you weed out the bad ones.

2. Ask around... if no one you know has a nanny to recommend, look online. In LA, we have an online community of parents called Peachhead. People are always giving recommendations for nannies. If and when I look for a permanent nanny, I will look for recommendations on which nanny agencies are good and go through them. A lot of times they provide for a trial period.

3. Experience is important, but look beyond just nanny experience. My nanny babysat, coached gymnastics, has a sister who is 8 years younger than her and is going to teach first grade after college. Anyone can "watch" a kid, but I wanted someone who would try to make the most of her time with Timmy and help him learn new things. Besides competence, a person's experience demonstrates whether they'll really like to be with your kid all day.

4. Be present. For me it was really important to be very clear in establishing guidelines and teaching her what I wanted her to do. I took 3 days to transition...the first day she shadowed me, the second day I shadowed her and the third day I just kind of sat back and watched. The next week I was available for her to ask questions. She knows that I could pop in any time and check in. Being clear about your expectations and available for any questions or concerns helps the two of you stay on the same page.

5. Spell it out. Be very explicit about all background information that would help her understand your baby and babies his age. For example, I took information from the book "Your baby week-by-week" and a milestone chart from babycenter.com to give her an idea of where he's at developmentally and where he should be over the next few weeks and months. I figured this would help her teach him things and think of games to play with him. I also had her take a First Aid/Infant CPR class. If you think about it, everything we know is from stuff we've read and experience. She'll get the experience soon enough, but give her info that you would look up yourself.

6. Ask lots of questions from their references. One reference of my nanny I talked to said that she had a good head on her shoulders and was very responsible. If she didn't know something, she would call and ask rather than take a guess and risk doing something wrong. This made me feel good because she is younger and didn't have a ton of experience with little babies. I can deal with someone not knowing how to do something, but I can't deal with someone who doesn't realize what is important and takes it upon themselves to decide.

7. Get creative. Every family's situation is different, but I know a lot of people who share nannies or have a SAHM neighbor watch their baby. Not only does this save money but it also can help with finding someone you trust.

The reason I think my situation is unique is because 1) I only needed someone for 9 weeks and 2) I'm either at home or very close by. Timmy refusing to take a bottle complicated things because I now have to be home to feed him every few hours. Even if he did take a bottle, I would have had to come home to pump. Since I am here so much, I am able to monitor the nanny more closely than most parents.

Despite finding a nanny I really love, I still have a hard time with the whole situation at times. Before having a baby, I didn't truly realize that I would want to spend most of the time during the day with him. I wanted to add the baby to my life (including a career). I knew that a lot of women had a family and a job so I knew it was possible to have both and that's exactly what I wanted. Now I'm not sure how I'll end up balancing it all. I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom, but I also don't want to spend the majority of Timmy's waking hours apart from him.

Oddly enough though, I think the hardest part about leaving him with a nanny right now is letting go of my control. He is like a clean slate and I want to keep him that way. It's not possible for anyone else to love him as much as I do, so if I'm not watching him, it's more likely that something bad could happen. No one else can read his cues as well as I can, or cuddle him like I do or teach him as much as I will. It's hard for a control freak to leave the most important part of their life in the control of anyone else, doesn't matter who it is.

The bottom line is that if you listen to your gut, do your due diligence and take the time to teach her what you want her to know, your baby will be fine with whomever you choose. Good luck!