Today was the first day I neither nursed nor pumped. Thus marks the end of 13 1/2 months of breastfeeding. So anticlimactic.
I never thought I would breastfeed for so long and I never, ever thought I would like it. It took me by surprise, and I wouldn't trade away all the drama an exclusively-breastfed baby caused because that experience is something that really means a lot to me.
The weaning process was so completely easy and natural. Starting at 11 months, we began giving Timmy cow's milk about 3 times a week (with the doctor's approval). Right after a year, he started getting it once a day every day. Then a week or two later, I only nursed when he woke up and before bed. For the past two weeks, we were down to just mornings. He never seemed to mind. This morning he seemed a little upset when I didn't sit with him on the couch, but I distracted him with oatmeal. I think I was ready to stop, and I'm certainly glad to be getting my freedom back after sacrificing little things for so long.
But. Part of me is already sad that phase is over. How could I not melt when I would ask him if he was hungry and he would look at me and laugh and snuggle up to me? Or when PJO would bring him in our room in the morning and he would spring from his arms, say "mamamammamama" and crawl excitedly across the bed to me? Or when I would hold a freshly bathed and wonderfully smelling baby up to me before his bedtime and he would sleepily massage my arms and play with my hair?
I really do believe breastfeeding can be great for the baby. Every time someone sees my plump, healthy son they ask if I am still nursing. It also was great for me. I am 10 pounds (or so) down from my pre-pregnancy weight and have only recently been working out (albeit infrequently). I probably consumed 3,000 calories a day for most of 2009. Maybe I would have lost that weight even without breastfeeding, but who knows. Best of all, it was cheap! I bought formula a small handful of times (he probably drank it 15 times). Even when you add up the cost of bottles, my pump, all the extra food I ate to nourish a massive baby, nursing pads, nursing bras and the new bras I just got this weekend, I spent less than I would have on formula.
It's weird to have had such a great experience with nursing and yet know that I will do it differently with the next baby. Assuming baby #2 is born while I am working at the firm (hopefully when Timmy is around 3), I will have an 18-week rather than a 22 month maternity leave. While I did not mind pumping at first, I can't imagine doing that for very long. Baby #2 will probably be on formula by 6 months. I'm sure that will be fine too, but it almost seems like a waste of good boobs to not nurse the next one as long as s/he wants.
I feel the same way about my birth experience. I thought it was incredible, great, easy. One day shy of my due date, I was in labor for less than 9 hours, pushed for 9 minutes, no complications, etc... But my baby was 9 lbs, 9 oz, so while delivery was easy as pie, recovery could have been a lot better. If my next baby is even bigger, I will probably want to have a c-section, but it almost seems like a waste of such a serious medical procedure if I could have an easy natural delivery.
Of course these things are not pressing concerns now, or for the next couple years. I have a tendency to over-plan and worry too much, but I'm very much enjoying the fact that my life will be relatively uncomplicated for a while and my 26 year old body will be all mine again.
3 comments:
Wow, I am so impressed you did it for that long! I seriously am! I liked it at first but I was so ready to be done at 5 months. I hated pumping with a PASSION too. I will never want to pump again.
I couldn't imagine breastfeeding a baby who was more aware of his surroundings- that probably seems really weird coming from a mom who has like no privacy, but I feel kinda awkward or weird about it. I'm glad your weaning process was so natural and smooth- that is so awesome!
I have no idea what it's like to have a vaginal birth but I cannot imagine anyone ever wanting a c-section! but then some people say they loved having a c-section. I don't get it- I'd rather not have a 5 inch gash across my belly and rather not have my muscles and nerves cut through! but then, like I said, I have no idea how a vaginal birth recovery is like (I do know what 2 hours of pushing is like though! wow-ee!)
I had similar experiences, both with birth and nursing. I went back to work at 6 weeks, so I had to pump three times a day until he was 13 months old. IT. SUCKED. It was very hard to keep up, and to be honest, at around 10 months we started supplementing with formula because I was just so over it, I couldn't make myself do it more than twice a day.
I thought I'd be all hormonal and weepy when we weaned, but I wasn't. I did weep, however, when my boobs shrunk and drooped. BOO.
If you have trouble in a couple of days with engorgement (this happened to me and my sister in law - a few days of being fine and then BING, full of milk and not going down for days, so painful), a good thing to do is put cold cabbage leaves in your bra. Pick off several nice big ones from a head of cabbage, and rotate them in the fridge when you're not "wearing" them. It smells weird, but it was the only way I could get my boobs to turn off!
Cee, I thought the same thing...I swore I would stop when Timmy got teeth. I felt awkward FOR those moms whose kids would come up to them, tug at their shirt and ask for the boobs. But then it wasn't really an option to stop when he first got teeth and I wasn't ready to stop. He never "asked" for boobs either. Even though he's starting to talk, he seems pretty unaware when it comes to breastfeeding.
And Gillian, I wept about the new state of my boobs too. But then I bought some new bras and I figure they'll be full and glorious again some day, even if it's due to being pregnant or plastic surgery ;)
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