The craziness of packing/moving on top of being a new mom to two has made my already poor blogging record even more abysmal. But, there are always things I plan on writing about that I just run out of time to actually type out, so I'll summarize a few things now.
First, the kind of shitty update - looking for daycare in our new area. Specifically, looking at infant care. This is hard and I am torn about what to write because I'm still not 100% sure what we'll do. The first daycare we looked at had an infant room where the "teachers" were all old women who spoke broken English and ran the room like a factory. Two kids in the swings at a time, two kids in the stroller going for a "walk" through the halls of the building with the woman pushing looking like a dazed robot. A baby lying on the floor with nothing to look at and no one talking to her. In a word, heartbreaking. I understand that if you put a baby in daycare, he or she won't get the kind of personalized attention that he or she would get with a nanny, but it would be nice if one of the caregivers actually took an interest in the baby. So even though this place would have been fine for Timmy, I told PJO we couldn't put Ellie there. I felt no real regret about this since the cost of the infant room was $400 more per month than it would have been at Timmy's current daycare.
So the next place we looked at was better...younger and more engaging teachers holding the babies, talking to them. There was a wider range of ages (still just 0-1 year) so there was some activity/noise in the room. There were more baby toys/playmats so it didn't seem quite so boring. This room has video monitors so that I would be able to watch from work. But still...when the ratio of teachers to babies is 1:4, there is going to be a lot of time that the baby spends on her own. It's not like I spend 100% of my time with Ellie holding her and talking to her, but it just seems so sad to put her in daycare at this age. I know Timmy loves and needs school in his life, so I rarely, if ever, feel guilt over sending him somewhere. But there is no such reasoning in Ellie's case. At least not yet.
This second school seems ok for Timmy too. Not fabulous. It's hard comparing new schools to where he is now because I don't think it's possible for him to have teachers or an environment better for him than where he is right now. I'll miss the Montessori environment and I sort of felt like there was less stimulation and fewer activities for Timmy there. But it's a better move for the family to be down there and I know preschoolers are very adaptable and he'll be taken care of wherever we put him. But is that enough? I want him to thrive and I want teachers who genuinely care about him and want to help him succeed. It's hard to know from a tour whether we'll get that at a new place.
Our third option would be to put Timmy in a preschool and pay my mom to be Ellie's nanny. Almost all Montessori programs where we are moving are toddler and up, so I think there will be some good places for Timmy that we haven't looked at yet since they were lacking an infant room. I love the idea of Ellie being with one-on-one care and not being exposed to daycare germs so young. It would be nice to have someone at home for days when Timmy is sick or just to be able to switch on the crockpot or put dinner in the oven. But I'm not sure I want to hire my mom as an employee (and she needs to make some money to cover her monthly expenses) and I will eventually want Ellie in daycare when she can interact and learn there, so I don't want to screw up my mom's job situation needlessly.
This process is making me realize that it's only going to get harder as my kids get older to move and change up their world. Timmy has only been in this school for 15 months and it actually makes me want to cry thinking about him losing his favorite teachers and friends there. On the other hand, I can't wait to switch Pediatricians. I waited over an hour yesterday for Ellie's 2 month check-up and still have to go back next week for shots because she had a cold.
The good things are much quicker updates.
This week we experienced the best and most important milestone to date in Timmy's short life: He woke up, entertained himself and didn't come get me until 7:30AM. I was making him eggs for breakfast and when I went to put the plate down on the table, I noticed a plate was already there. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that it was a plastic plate with pretend food on it. His toys were all over the living room. It was an early Christmas miracle!
We are getting ready for our move and should be settled enough to enjoy Christmas and Timmy's birthday in the new place. We have movers hired and some boxes packed. December 5th will be a long day but I am really looking forward to being there.
I finally took the Dr.'s advice and got Ellie up last night for a "dream feed" at 11pm before I went to sleep. I kept her swaddled and she never woke up, then she rewarded me with sleeping until 6am.
PJO and I went to the wedding of a co-worker of mine a few weeks ago. She is marrying the son of a famous party planner, and the wedding was easily the most gorgeous wedding I've ever been to. A former client of the mother-in-law was there...let me just say that Heidi Klum is every bit as gorgeous in person as she is on TV and in magazines. Unbelievable.
After 5 years of hosting a big Thanksgiving dinner at our place, we're taking a break this year. Thursday we'll head to my mom's new house and she's cooking. I'm sure it will be low key and relatively easy. Then we're going to take Timmy to see the Muppets movie. As much as I love the rush of holiday shopping on Black Friday, I'll probably skip that this year in favor of online shopping for the few things we need. I love the holidays!
4 comments:
I know exactly what you're going through with daycares. Finding a good one is SO difficult to find but when you finally do see it ... you just know it's right.
To be completely honest, I think the 1:4 ratio is pretty darn good. What you should ask them is what the ratio becomes when they switch rooms. At 1:4 I felt that Liliana was getting plenty of attention but in the next daycare, it suddenly jumped to 1:9 at 1 year of age. This was insufficient in my opinion.
I know you'll figure it out, but in the mean time, I'll be praying for you because I truly understand just how stressful it is.
I just discovered dream feeding before I go to bed as well! David still only sleeps until 4:00ish, but still better than getting up twice or three times.
Is there a Bright Horizons daycare where you are moving? They are usually affiliated with a large business (like a hospital). That is what we are going to use and I was very impressed with how loving the teachers were to the kids and also the activities I saw them doing around the room - there were NO swings and bouncers; kids were actually doing things.
Good luck!
Anna
Yikes, place no. 1 sounds dreadful. Imagine what it is like when no one is visiting.
I keep meaning to go back and comment on this post. I agree with Christy - 1:4 is actually pretty great. That was the ratio in Claire's infant room and it was wonderful. The little babies sleep so much (Claire slept 5 of the 8 hours she was at daycare the first 3 months she was there) and the older babies can sit up and watch all the little babies (highly entertaining, apparently), that there's usually only a few babies who need to be cuddled or fed or carried. Our daycare also had a floating 3rd teacher who came by during the middle of the day to help with the noontime bottles and lunches, so maybe that daycare does something similar (plus, everyone loves babies, so frequently teachers from other rooms would pop by to help out any time it was needed while they were otherwise off-duty, as did the director of the program).
Absolutely trust any gut feeling you have, but if you generally liked the daycare and it's only the ratio that's holding you back, I just wanted to share our experience that I think Claire received all the attention she needed, plus some, with a similar ratio. I was amazed at how much fun the babies seemed to have watching each and just being around each other - whether it's just doing tummy time together on a big blanket, all sitting in bumpo chairs in front of play gyms, etc - it provided a lot of entertainment. It's so very different from you caring for one baby at home by yourself. I dropped by the infant room at all kinds of random times and was always amazed at how generally calm it seemed.
The thought of leaving our daycare is sometimes the only thing that keeps me from looking at better jobs in other cities. It's going to be so hard to find another, but I know other good ones are out there - best of luck finding yours!
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