It doesn't take much to go from moderately busy or even slow to crazy at work. One day I have multiple hours in my day to fill so I say, "sure, I can help with that one small thing." The next day, all "small things" explode at once and deals that died in February suddenly reappear. Usually, it goes back to being slow or manageable just as quickly. Last night was the first time I almost cried from work stress, and that's saying something because I don't cry (except for sad movies/books and sometimes sad commercials). It's not even the pure hours...I don't think 12 hour days are that horrible or unusual...if I get 5 hours of sleep, I can deal with it until the busy blows over. The problem is that this happens to be the week that our babysitter is out of town. Daycare is also closed Friday, Monday and Tuesday for the fourth of July. Thankfully my amazing mother is watching Timmy on his days off of school, but I have to take over the duty of picking him up from daycare this week.
Leaving at 5pm to make it to daycare by 6pm when you have six active matters, all going full speed is just not easy. It has been especially frustrating because I happen to be working for one of the really important partners in the department on a deal that closes Friday. Between her working from home a lot and me not being involved until fairly recently, I have never actually had to meet with her face to face for this deal. But when does she call to set up a meeting in her office? around 5:05pm on Monday, minutes after I had left to go pick up Timmy. And people are reasonable, I called in to the meeting and it was fine. But now the first real impression I've made on these supervisors, who do all the big deals, is that I'm an associate who will need them to make concessions. Even if I do good work and get things done, wouldn't they rather work with someone who can stay at the office late and answer the phone when they call at 10pm? Because there are plenty of associates that will do that.
Yesterday, I HAD to finish something before I could leave. It was suddenly 5:22pm and I knew that if there was even normal traffic, I would be late to pick up Timmy. I also knew that as soon as I got home, I would have to turn on my computer and start working again, except then it would take twice as long to get anything done because the network has been slow and I need two monitors for what I am doing. Somehow I made it to daycare just before 6pm and finished my work just before midnight.
I know that this stressful week will be over soon. In fact, I'll be on maternity leave in a about two months. But it's weeks like this one that make me just wish things were easier. Wish that I could know leaving to pick up my son by 6-freaking-pm would not be such an ordeal. That PJO and I didn't have to commute for so many hours a day. That I could come home from work and enjoy dinner and bedtime snuggles without ever thinking about the time it is adding to the hours until I get to go to sleep.
6 comments:
I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. My husband is traveling that week, and making the hard stop at 5:20 is a struggle. I had to leave partner office Monday to her saying 'fine, I'll just do it.' Sad.
BTDT. But you know what? If you do good work and have good turnaround, that is what you will be remembered for and not that you had to call in to a 5:00 meeting.
Legally certifiable - I don't know. As a first-year or second-year associate, you're so interchangeable and there is still such a large pool that I think it makes a difference.
I read this post going, yes, yes, yes -- or, like Anonymous, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you.
Biglaw is just not compatible with having an outside life.
Are you un Biglaw? My impression is that all firms value different types of associates. My current firm (soon to be old firm) valued associates who could meet their billables and who did good work product. I often had to attend meetings by phjone or take work home with me and they didn't mind as long as I did the work. Other firms maybe value other qualities. I have also found that it varies by partner. My partners with kids are much more understanding.
Good luck, I know it is tough!
WNWL
Ugh, I'm so sorry. I truly feel for you, and have been there. And then there's the guilt on both fronts - guilt for leaving work early, and guilt for being consumed by work when you get home at the expense of quality time with your kid. I ended up quitting my firm job because the stress was too much. At least you have maternity leave to look forward to though!
I know how stressful it can be and I don't have any kids. I hate having plans after work because I stress all day that I might not be able to make it. I know that things will get easier for you when you've shown everyone what a good job you can do and how flexible you are. Hang in there!
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