Well, I made my decision. After what seemed like an eternity ... but were in fact just 6 painstakingly slow days ... I decided to defer. It was a much harder decision to make than I anticipated and I know for a fact that I will think I made the wrong choice at some point during the next 17 months. But I'm so relieved it's over and done with.
Why did I agonize over something that most people seem to think was a no-brainer? Probably because I would have been completely happy with either choice. As I've said before, I'm a planner, and I don't like surprises in my life plans. Completely changing what I will do next year both terrifies and thrills me.
What I found particularly hard about this decision was that every way I analyzed the situation, I found equally important and completely contradictory factors:
Risk/Job Security - If the economy sucks in 12/2009, just-starting associates might be subject to layoffs. Then again, it's easy to just rescind offers of those who deferred.
Quality of Assignments - Starting early with fewer people = more time to build relationships and make a name for myself. But starting later when presumably the economy is better might translate into more "real" work to keep me busy and train me more efficiently. Not to mention, I want to do transactional work, which basically isn't an option right now.
Money - Damn, that's a lot of money to get paid for doing nothing! But actually, considering I have to start paying off student loans, it's just enough to maintain our standard of living...aka, we will be pushing back a home purchase another year.
Quality Family Time - I'm anxious to start my career, but that is always waiting for me. Timmy will never be this special age again and I'll never get another chance to be home with him full-time while he's so little. But at the same time, this will probably push back Timmy v.2 ... Timmy will be 22 months old when I start work and I'll need to get experience and establish myself before taking off almost half a year for maternity leave. And because I'll need to pay off student loans, this also probably extends the time I'll be working at a demanding job so I can afford that.
Long Term Goals - If things didn't end up working out with this firm, that would be a big gap in my resume when I look for a job. At the same time, I might have a better chance of keeping this job and getting good experience if I defer.
...and so I went around in circles, driving myself crazy. Everyone told me I should defer, but I knew that only PJO and I had all the relevant facts in our possession and no one could decide for us. In the end, I decided I couldn't try to predict the market trends or how that would impact my career; I just based it on my personal situation and instinct. So I deferred.
The current plan is to take the bar in July and then just stay home with Timmy full-time until October, 2010. If I find a cool opportunity or a valuable part-time internship I might take it. PJO and I are also toying with the idea of moving somewhere random for a year if he found a job. Who knows. I'm just glad I don't have to think about it anymore. And I still feel incredibly blessed...not just for this opportunity but also to have a job lined up at all.
Thanks for all the advice, it was really helpful to put it all in perspective.
No comments:
Post a Comment