Overwhelmed

Life is sort of wearing me down and leaving me behind in the dust as it speeds forward. Work continues to be busy, except rather than one HUGE matter (seriously, the last deal had a deal team of over 60 lawyers), I'm staffed on 5 active deals, a pro bono matter and a small ancillary matter. Timmy is going through a phase (perhaps delayed rebellion over the new baby, perhaps just run-of-the-mill terrible threes?) where just being with him for 30 minutes is completely exhausting. The slightest provocation (or none at all) will make him burst into tears and/or saying lots of "NO!" and/or throwing toys or half-heartedly attempting to hit us. Every day, we do this dance where he talks about how he wants to be a baby, and I say, fine, then you have to wear diapers and eat baby food. Do you like baby food? Then he responds with "no, I don't like that, it's yucky. I want to be a big kid and play on the big playground." Some days when we pick him up at daycare, he runs away and says he wants to stay at school. Then when it's time to head to school the next morning, he cries and says he wants to stay home. Some days, he pleads with me to stay home, not go into work, and play with Baby Ellie. He often tries to dictate which parent gets to do what (i.e. bath, pouring milk, rubbing his back at night) and freaks out if we don't oblige. One day I walked into his classroom at pick-up, he looked me in the eye, pushed over the baby sitting next to him, and informed me that he pushed baby Grace onto the carpet and made her cry. WTF?!?! Sunday night he was crying / whimpering in his sleep and calling out "Mama" (he only wants Daddy these days) so I went in and rubbed his back and smoothed back his hair. Two minutes later he was snoring. [...my heart is breaking into a million pieces...] Timmy brought home preschool germs for the first time in a while and it's hit all of us. You know what's even more difficult than finding motivation to work after the kids are in bed? Being sick and tired and trying to find that motivation. Monday night I gave in to the chills and body aches and put myself to bed early. Last night, Ellie cried from 7:30-9:45 when normally, I put her in her crib after the bath and leave the room. Lately, she wants me all the time and will reach for me if I'm anywhere near and fuss if I leave her sight. I wish I didn't have to leave all the time. PJO is busy at work and busy studying for the CFA exam. The list of thank you notes to send, emails to respond to, mail to sort, bills to pay, errands to run and to-dos around the house is growing out of control. Nothing is particularly horrible right now, I just feel like I have no control over my life and I hate that. I wish I had more time with my husband and kids and I wish I had more time to devote to work so that I could learn as much as it seems like my co-workers are learning. I wish I had, but can't even fathom having, time to work out or cook (or grocery shop) or watch TV. I wish I could find a school that is better suited to Timmy so I don't feel like a terrible mother for dropping him off somewhere for 9-10 hours per day and I wish I knew whatever it is that is making him so sad or on edge so I could fix it (although I have a feeling I know and there's nothing I can really do).