Very unlike the process of choosing a name for Timmy, PJO and I have "tentatively" agreed on a name for our baby girl. We have very specific requirements* for the names we pick for our children, so even after looking at the list of top 500 names, there are only a handful that we both like. I think we are less conflicted this time because (i) he's not as emotionally invested in girl names, (ii) the name I want is meaningful to me and (iii) we already have one name to sort of match it to and keep in line with.
My question is, when is a name "off-limits?" When I was pregnant with Timmy, I knew very few babies/toddlers, so I never worried about picking a name that a friend, neighbor or relative had already chosen. Luckily, I would never be tempted to pick one of my nieces' or nephews' names, but what about names your friends, co-workers or cousins have chosen? Does it make a difference if the two kids with the same name would be in the same circle of friends/playgroup/neighborhood/school? Does it make a difference if the name is different, but the nickname is the same?
Since we don't really want to tell anyone what the name is until the baby is born, I don't plan on asking the mom her thoughts. But is it rude to be a name-stealer? Who would the name have to belong to in order for you to not pick it?
*In case you're curious, they are generally that the name must: 1) be classic (i.e. in existence at least by the 1950s, preferably earlier) 2)not too popular (definitely not in the top 10, preferably not in the top 100) 3) lend itself to a good nickname 4) be good for a child AND an adult 5) be easy to spell and pronounce and 6) not be identified primarily with a particular religion or ethnicity. Very specific, but I think Timothy fits the bill perfectly, and I love our girl name for all the same reasons.
4 comments:
my sister. That's it. My coworker had a little boy named Jackson, who they called Jack, about 8 months before my oldest was born. As soon as the coworker told me their planned name, I wrote him and said - I love that name! That's the one we were planning on if we ever have a boy! A week or two later I found out I was pregnant, and I went ahead and named my kid Jack (well, John, but we call him Jack). It was kind of silly for a little bit, but now we aren't even coworkers anymore, and how silly would I have felt not naming my kid what I wanted because of him and then ending up moving away within a few months anyway!
My sister is named Amanda, and I have a first cousin named Amanda who is literally 3 months older. My mother made it known that she'd chosen Amanda, and then her sister in law kept her unborn girl's name a secret until she was born. When she came out with "Amanda" as the name, my mother was furious, but she gave my sister the same name anyway. It's never been an issue!
I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Husband has three cousins named Catherine, all with different nicknames. It's a family name, and well, it's really a family name now! I have two first cousins named Sarah too, although they were farther apart in age and geography and I'm not even sure they've ever met. (We aren't a close family).
Anyway, I definitely wouldn't sweat naming your kid the same as a friend's or coworker's. My best friend growing up has the same name as me. (And we had the same last initial.) We made it work just fine.
Ha, our naming process is the opposite this time as it was with Sammie B as well. With her, we knew before we even got married that our first girl would be Samantha. This time, we can't settle on anything and I think we may be holding her before we decide.
On your question about when is a name off-limits, I kind of always thought that all friends' and family members' kids' names were off-limits, but I recently had this discussion with a friend (whose son's name I LOVE and would totally use if we had a boy) and she said she'd find it flattering to have someone else use the name and it is a common name. So, I've come to believe that only family's kids' names are off-limits. Otherwise, for most friends' kids' names, unless they've chosen a totally uncommon name that you'd never have heard of but for them choosing it, I say you can use it.
If it's someone that you are very close to, I would give them advance warning. Something like, "Hey, we're keeping the name secret in general, but I just wanted you to know, we're using the same name as your daughter. We love the name, and it's meaningful to us because [fill in the blank]. I hope it won't be too confusing."
If it's just a random co-worker or someone you see on the playground every now and then, I would not bother telling them in advance.
Post a Comment