The Juggle

It begins. I knew that I should enjoy the first few days of my job where I didn't have a blackberry or work to do because it meant that I could go home ridiculously early and enjoy the entire night with PJO and Timmy. I did enjoy them, but I didn't realize how quickly I would be missing that freedom.

Around 4:30pm on Monday, I realized that I had a lot of work that needed to be done by the end of the night. Around the same time, PJO was pulled in to put out some sort of fire in his office too. (That rarely happens; he is home by 6:30 or 7 almost every day, even with his hour long commute). I could have asked the babysitter to stay late, but I decided that should wait for the days where there really is no alternative. So I left the office around 6:30 and magically navigated my way through LA rush hour traffic in 30 minutes, so I was home by 7 to let the babysitter go home. She had fed and bathed Timmy, so I spent 20 minutes or so reading and cuddling with him. As soon as I put him to bed, I started working and managed to finish everything by 12:30.

Last night I was able to leave the office pretty early, so I treated myself to a visit with one of my best friends and ended up staying at her place for wine and dinner. I knew I should have gone to bed earlier, but I was having fun... Until I realized upon coming home that Timmy was sleeping in our bed. That usually means he's been crying in his room for a while. He cried for a bit when I climbed in to bed next to him (though he wasn't awake, so he couldn't really be comforted). Finally, we all fell asleep somewhere around midnight. So now it's Wednesday and I am once again waiting to send in a revised document to the partner (after my computer ate an hour and a half of work). I am so tired from this week that I keep having to remind myself that it's not in fact Friday. I know I will be much busier and much more tired at various points over the next few years, but this is the first time in a long time that my tiredness has to do with something besides a baby and it's hard to ramp up again.

I have been pleasantly surprised so far that I still feel like I am getting enough quality time with Timmy, even on days where it is in fact only about an hour. The minute I walked in the door Monday night, he ran to me, flung his arms around my neck and didn't let go. He was happy and cuddly; I didn't have to fight with him over eating dinner or starting the bedtime routine. I just enjoyed him and held him and that was better than being with him, but not present, for 8 hours.

I am also a little surprised that I don't really think about him too much while I'm at the office. I am so excited to be at work, trying to meet people and scrounge up work and figure out how the hell to be a lawyer that it rarely enters my mind to think about him. I know he is safe and happy at daycare, and that's enough for me to move on to other things in my day.

It's going to be a struggle to find any true sense of balance in our lives for a while. PJO and I both spend 2 hours a day driving to and from work. Those commutes won't improve until one of us switches jobs, so we just have to fit work, sleep and family time into 22 hours instead of 24. There really aren't enough hours in a 24-hour day for everything to be in perfect balance, but hopefully it is a better picture over the course of a week or a month. I guess that's why they call it a juggle rather than just accepting that you'll always be deficient in one or all areas in your life.