I find it incredibly sad when online-friends have to leave because of issues with reconciling their job security and an online anonymous persona. The advice and trail-blazing examples I've gotten from the blogs I read have been invaluable to me. Without the MILPs, I would have known zero women who had a baby in law school and I would be lost right now as I try to become a lawyer with a child. If I had a private blog, I would never "meet" new people going through the same things I did.
I know that anyone who really wanted to could figure out my name, where I live and where I work very easily. If I was really paranoid about it (or smart?), I would take off all the pictures, remove anything more than the most generic references to my firm and come up with a more discreet online name.
But I like being able to share who I am and what I'm about. I like learning about other people in this community. And I think that learning from what others do is all about the details. Some of the most helpful and informative posts I've read are the ones that basically break down the "how we do it" and the daily minutia. It feels like you're just talking to a friend on the phone and staying in touch by being able to visualize how they go about their day.
I know I'm not a consistent poster and I wish I had the creative talent to make my writing interesting or eloquent, but I just thought that I should put it out there: I really value the online friendships (or whatever they are) I have with all of you. I find myself experiencing your triumphs and tragedies along with you just as I do with my friends in "real life." And I know I feel surrounded by love when there is a community to do the same for me.
I should say that I'm not even sure what happened to all of the bloggers I'm thinking of while writing this post; for all I know, they could have just decided to stop on their own without any pressure from outside sources. But I do know that each of us feels some sort of internal struggle to reconcile our desire to share our stories with our self-preservation instincts.
So I guess I'll just say that I hope everyone keeps writing and sharing for a long time to come, and that if for some reason we can't do that anymore, I hope I will be able to keep in touch with all of you some other way. And while I do feel ridiculous at times referring to people I've never met as "my friends," I take comfort in the fact that maybe some of you have found friendship in this community too. Who knows, the distinction between "online" and "real life" may be fleeting too.
10 comments:
Sigh. I've been thinking about this a lot as well. Even though I've made an effort not to make my blog readily
Googlable, the basic facts about my situation make me insanely identifiable. Having a micropreemie kind of does that to you - there just aren't that many of them out there.
I've tried to reconcile this (along with my desire to be an honest resource for other women with preemies - there are a lot of preemie moms who gloss over how damned hard this is) by keeping it mostly about me, trying not to write anything that could create problems with people in my personal or professional life. Even so, I may wind up going back to change B's name - despite the fact that his real name is already somewhat obscured - and muddy the waters a little more. References to my mil issues may also get erased, though those are the ones I need the most support on.
I agree, it sucks. I relied heavily on finding a community like this and want to support other women, but the profession makes it a minefield. I do think these friendships are real, though, despite the unique form they take. I really don't know what I would have done without the support I've received from online friends these last few months - who else could have a clue as to what this is like?
I'm glad you're out there, with all the MILPs, and I hope you're able to keep it up.
If you're thinking of Cee, I think she wants to come back but she has a full-on stalker... super scariest, most extreme blog-taken-down situation I've seen. She had to leave facebook too. There will be a statement on the MILP roundup when it gets posted this week.
Also, I totally feel the same way -- not sure I owuld have gotten through the last few years without the MILPs
I'm not a MILP, but I still enjoy the community of online female attorneys. I first stumbled onto this community when I was thinking about what other female/mother attorneys do and how they make it work. Even though I don't have a family yet, I feel better knowing there are other people out there who make it work and one day when I have children I will make it work too.
I do feel like this online community is great. I def read more than I post, but I still feel connected to everyone. I hope it continues for a long time to come. The biggest reason I came back to blogging after taking a year off after my layoff was that I thought others could benefit from my experience and I wanted to be part of the online community again rather than just a lurker.
I know I found it VERY reassuring when I found out I was pregnant to read blogs...in fact, these kinds of blogs were the only reason I started my own. I think it's important for people to stay positive on them though. While I might not have taken quite the "legal route" that many other ladies have on the MILP round up, I did graduate and I think that says something still.
I love that you call other bloggers "friends." I do, too. To be honest, I sometimes think the blog world is more interested in the day-to-day law school stuff than my "real" friends. :)
Butterflyfish, Cee is definitely one of the bloggers I am thinking of... I knew she had the stalker and left FB, but I guess I had just been assuming that she took down the blog to prevent the stalker from further harming her job security. Sounds like it's more serious than that, so I really hope she is ok and able to get rid of the scary stalker.
And Dinei, I know what you're saying...I think to a certain extent, we're all Googlable. But if we didn't share the things that make us identifiable and if we never feel able to speak honestly about what we're going through, the support, feedback and helpful advice will all be diminished too.
I seriously miss One New Duck.
Holy crap you guys. Seriously. I have 4/5 of my classes on Wednesdays, so I'm studying all day between classes on Tuesday and then more of the night. Then, since I don't have any time on Wednesday I spend all of Wednesday night studying too.
AND THIS HAPPENS! OMG! I hope the new group helps, but I'm going to keep posting (even non-anonymously for now) anyway. I'll just have to do both because I can't live without Cee and the rest!
I had no idea that people would even notice that I was gone! My whole scary stalker thing was/is scary but the fact that you girls are out there and concerned really means so much to me. I do love this onling communit- it's not only a place to express frustrations but I've learned so much from others here. I think I have a long term solution worked out. I will now be posting at my new blog location: http://wildnorthwestlitigator.blogspot.com/
and I'm going to be a little more careful about what I post. I just feel so much better starting fresh! I will update on the stalker situation when I'm 100% it has resolved- hopefully soon!
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