Officially Official

Last week I was sworn in to the CA state bar at the Firm. Most of my summer classmates had started working earlier in the week; I was the only "deferred associate" that showed up to participate. My entourage waltzed into the dining room, making a spectacle and crying out for attention. The lone baby in a room full of suit-clad adults; the diaper bag where a briefcase should have been; the sippy cup occupying the hand that should have been holding an iced tea... I just stood out so painfully in that room from everyone else.

Being there and drawing commentary from the Managing Partner and another senior partner in their speeches made it all the more apparent that I am different from my peers. While I may sometimes act like just another young professional, people see me as a mom first. Suddenly, I'm the example in every speech of how to keep my priorities in focus and my work-life balance in check. Timmy is the ice breaker when the speaker needs a laugh from the audience. This would all bother me if it weren't for the fact that I won't be working for another 10 months.

When I first arrived at the ceremony, the HR director came up to me and said "Will we ever see you again?" I told her that I was enjoying my time off, but I was already wishing that I was working with everyone else and that by the time October 2010 rolled around, I would be thrilled to start. She responded that the minute she heard I decided to defer that she assumed I would decide to take the money and never come back. Ouch. It hadn't occurred to me that anyone would think that, but now I wonder if everyone has the same assumption. There's nothing I can do but eventually prove them wrong, but it still sucks to be starting your career facing an uphill battle of doubt and presumptions.

Then I think, why do I even care? I don't fit the mold right now, but that's just because I haven't made a new mold yet.