When I got engaged, my wall was bombarded with "congratulations" and "that's so exciting, I'm so happy for you!" Same thing when I got married. I noticed something different as people have found out that I'm pregnant ... very few people say anything on my wall; instead, everyone chooses to send messages. For anyone who doesn't use facebook (how do you survive without it?), posting a message on someone's "wall" is public and everyone can read it, but sending a message is like a private, email message. So basically, people still say congratulations on a pregnancy, but they only do it in private.
In fact, this reminds me of another difference. People send greeting cards in the mail upon news of pregnancy, but I don't think I got a single card when I got engaged. Wedding cards usually served as gifts, so I don't think those are comparable. What makes the announcement (not even the birth) of a pregnancy more deserving of mail?
Why is that? It's nice to receive a congratulatory message no matter how you receive it. I was thinking of all the possible differences between these life events that would explain the different treatment... here's what I came up with:
* They can't be positive that the rumors are true, so they don't want to publicly call me "pregnant" if in fact I just got fatter (only in the belly region, developing a spherical shape)...but then why do the messages say "congratulations!"???
* People aren't sure whether this was planned, so they don't know whether to be unabashedly excited or sympathetic?
* Pregnancy seems more intimate or private because of all the sex and body changes that must be involved?
* My peers just can't be as excited about pregnancy as engagements or weddings because it's that much further away from their personal experience or situation in their lives?
* Babies are less romantic than weddings?
So, I actually don't have too many explanations for it, but it all seems pretty weird and comical to me.
2 comments:
I noticed the same thing!! Even when I told people in person about my pregnancy, they were like "oh congrats" but at the same time they didn't know how to respond. So that was followed by eery awkward silence... weird.
About long term visitors- my original plan was to spend alone time with my new family while my husband was taking time off. Then when he went back to work, my mom would stay for a bit. I think that would have been perfect because we would have gotten family time and then I'd have gotten help when I really needed it. But because of the c-section I needed extra help right away. It turned out ok, but I think my original plan would have been nicer. WIll your husband be around for a little bit after the birth? My husband took a week off and that was awesome!
I think all of the above are probably true, but people may also be reluctant to post pregnancy-related messages because you're a law student. Since we're pretty much constantly looking for jobs (be they internships, summer associate jobs, etc.) during law school, and many employers check our facebook profiles (at least according to the dire warnings of our career services office), your friends may just be sensitive to the fact that some employers could use your pregnancy against you.
Okay, that was super long winded, but hopefully you get my point. I just graduated in June after having a baby in March, and I was super aware of how employers might discriminate against me because I was prego, legal or not!
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